How to Turn Any Schmo into a PR Pro

According to the majority of the media, a Public Relations professional (a.k.a “PR Pro”) is someone who is employed at a company or is part of a “PR Firm” contracted by a company to increase sales and boost company image by influencing the Press by any means of annoyance necessary. According to some companies, there are no qualifications in order to become a “PR Pro” making it easier to christen Bob, the sales manager, as the next Social Media Guru.

Here are some tips on how to turn any schmo into a “PR Pro”.

Step 1: Spam-a-lot

Spam is not just a delicious amalgamation of meat product but it is also an efficient way to annoy reporters, bloggers, editors and your mother. Email blast spam frequently to inform EVERYONE on your contacts list about the newest doodad or the groundbreaking gadget equipped with the latest earwax extraction technology. Be sure to use plenty of big techy- cliché words incorrectly and include an absurdly long email signature.

Step 2: Clone Yourself and Call the Same Reporter Repeatedly

It’s safe to assume that reporters sit at their desks all day googling images of kitty cats, sipping scotch and waiting for the phone to ring about the latest and greatest “industry trend” that makes punching Gandhi square in the face a possibility. Do as little research as possible on the reporter and what they cover as well as the product you are pitching. Pitch and repeat.

Step 3: Auto Tune your Pitches

Want to be the next Ke$ha or T-Pain of the PR world? Add a personal touch to your canned product pitch by auto tuning your scripted spiel to make it sound as trite as the next “PR Pro”, making Stephen Hawking and the inventors of the Speak-and-Spell proud.

Step 4: Refer to yourself in 3rd person only as “The Social Media Guru”

The Social Media Guru thinks that this is a good narcissistic idea because The Social Media Guru knows it’s all about community and branding for The Social Media Guru’s Web 2.0 social meetspace, you know? Bob Dole would agree.

Step 5: Over-Promise and Under-Deliver

The old over-under technique used on the Press can be compared to a Christmas morning where excited children eagerly un-wrap their gifts only to find that they received yet another pair of reindeer socks and not that shiny red convertible. Ho, Ho, Ho!

Unlike other professional industries, the profession of Public Relations lacks rigorous industry standards to limit underachieving scam artists from abusing the title of “Public Relations Professional” and setting the level of professionalism very low, which in turn makes even the best PR firms appear sketchy to those unfamiliar with the practice. It also causes overzealous companies to correlate ROI with direct sales. This shifts Public Relations main purpose from informing the public about the goodwill of a company, product or person by means of industry news, product launches and campaigns to an outlet for free advertising. This causes a dilemma even for the most seasoned pros that have the choice of either representing a company with said mind set and professionally shooting themselves in the foot or not.  The truth is, like in any profession, there are always a few schmoes that spoil it for the true pros.

Katharine is a rising star in the marketing/media relations industry. Her initiatives have drawn the praise of several influential reporters and editors…who normally abhor such pitches. She is also a law student and former high-school tennis star.